Jamez Sitings 2.0's topics - tribe.net

Jamez Sitings #104 - You Call It "Disco"

2005-09-27T09:28:12Z

En primero, no hablo Español.
Entiendo que El Pueblo de la Reina de Los Angeles
Esta el corazón de Califas,
Pero es verdad que no hablo bien la lengua de los angeles.

Tambien, quiero vivir aquí.

91305 0222 hrs

My people lay sleeping
Stretched out on the 180
At Hollywood & Prospect.

Bus Driver,
Thought thrown by my request
For an All Day Pass at this late hour,
Smiles beautifully at me
Like Hanifah Walidah.

My people guide me safely home
Earning her wages
Paying her rent
Providing for her children.

Stop requested
At Los Feliz & Commonwealth.
I step up
To the front of the bus.
Hopin’ I’m not makin’ Momma nervous.
Hopin’ Momma knows
I respect her
And her babies
And her efforts
To provide for her babies.
As I’m hopin’
To provide for mine.

Nine people sleeping deeply
And me,
Ridin’ from Hollywood
To Eagle Rock,
Cuz we’re homeless
And the only warm place we can find to sleep
Is Metro Line 180
And Janet Place.

I apologize for having stared,
But some of these people are more than homeless.
They are hospital patients.

And some of them love each other
Like James loved Annette.

********

This woman called today,
I hoped to offer a job interview.
Instead,
She wanted to interview me about badlands.

I can no longer remember what year my incident occurred,
So focused am I
On living in The Now.

Then is an unwanted to distraction
To what will be.

********

I’m feeling bodacious enough
To start the Jaméz Letters and Arts Movement
Or even the
Kaya Letters & Arts Movement.
Cuz If Kaya was about anything,
He is about Movement.
And I am forever,
Have always been ever,
For moving on Beyond
Where anyone feels I should be.

Yo La Quiero

Bought comics for the first time in months.
Sitting at Akbar waiting for Bingo for the Bayou.
Really missing Sean Wilson.
That’s the kinda guy I want.
A Sean Wilson kinda guy.
I should contact 21 Bitch
In hopes of
With intention of
Collaborating towards our greater good.

He’s all being aloof & sexy.
I want him, but not if I can’t get him.
But not if I can’t have him.
Not if he’s so certain of his sexy,
I’m not allowed to approach him.

I’ve been 86’d
cuz Akbar & Ruth take their bingo
Seriously.

********

In the white spaces
There is only so much room
For the black faces.
The black faces who fill those spaces
Feel me not.

In the black spaces
The black faces
Find me unblack enough
To be rebuffed.

And, therefore,
Feel me not.

I walk a world
Unwelcoming to me.

I walk This World
Just the same.

Understanding
Why Poppa was inclined to roll
Like the stone
The Temptations sang so emphatically of.

Understanding why
Mick Jagger is a millionaire
Michael Jackson is a joke
And I’m flat broke.

********

Oh, wait.
I won whiskey that I don’t drink.
God Bless Gina, Akbar & NYAC
For raising money for the families of queer youth in the Gulf Coast Region.

********

I’m living in Los Angeles.

Gas prices are significant.

The Shell station @ Vermont & Hollywood
Currently holds the lowest prices
I’ve seen in weeks.

Shell.

Supporters of South African Apartheid,
Based in the Katrina ravaged Gulf Coast,
With prices lower than the more eco-friendly BP or Mobile.

Like any hoarder,
They’ll lower their prices
If it’s in their best interest.

Texas plates sit in front of me ironically
At Sunset & Hillhurst

posted in Jamez Sitings 2.0 - 0 replies

Jamez Sitings #103 - The Why of Here

2005-09-16T09:12:57Z

Jamez Sitings #103 - The Why of Here

Two months and two days into my tour of duty in Los Angeles.

It has been … typically … Jamezmerizing.

I left San Francisco because I was tired. I was burnt out. I found little in my home town to renew my energy… to bolster my resolve. I desperately wanted a change. It was long past time for me to leave, anyway.

Through no conscious effort of my own, this life-time has operated on an eight to nine year cycle.

Born in 1963, when I was just 3 months old, I was moved from my birthplace of Montgomery, Alabama to Newark, New Jersey.

In 1972, when I was 8 years, 6 months and 2 days old, my family and I arrived in San Francisco, California.

When I was 18, my Uncle telephoned (on my birthday, I believe) and invited me to move down to Los Angeles for College. This was December of 1981. Seven months later, I left LA and enlisted in the United States Air Force.

The Air Force ultimately sent me to Washington State. I spent the next nine years living in the (much despised) Seattle area.

In 1992, I returned to San Francisco.

Now, if the pattern were to have held true, I would have left San Francisco in 2001. Looking back, I strongly feel that I SHOULD have left San Francisco in 2001.

Heck, I should have left the United States in 2001. I was certainly trying. Canada was my most immediate goal. I actually managed several “research” trips to British Columbia, in hopes of learning the best way to go about relocating. I was trying to be mature. I was trying to be professional. I was being overly cautious.

“I’m not 24 anymore.” I would say to my friends. “I can’t just pack up and go without a plan.”

If only I could have foreseen what would occur in September of 2001… or the various things that have occurred in my life over the past 4 years. So much shit has gone down, that I cannot recall it all. Suffice it to say, 2004/2005 proved to be more challenging than I was prepared for.

I lost a job I loved in a racially charged incident worthy of the best Human Resources Video. I lost 3 or 4 living situations through no fault of my own. I was hit-and-run on my bicycle, tearing ligaments and breaking bones. I had my heart broken by one of my oldest and dearest friends. And two other friends’ lives were cut tragically short within weeks of each other.

I needed a change of environment. The Universe stepped in. The opportunity to go to England was presented to me. I accepted. I ceased looking for a new job or a permanent living situation in San Francisco.

As the deadline for my departure for England approached, communication with England broke down. My departure date came and went, with no communication at all. I was devastated. And I was panicked. But, I had a plan.

I’d met a wonderful woman during one of my last DJ gigs in San Francisco. This woman introduced herself as a promoter from New York City. She said she could tell from the little time that she’d been in SF, that what I was doing (as a DJ) was not appreciated in that town. She told me that it would be appreciated in New York.

I was skeptical at first, but after my set was done, we hung out and she continued to talk. She shared her credentials. They were impressive. She continued to speak to me in a language that touched my heart. Indeed, touched my soul. She told me her story and listened to my own. We shared tears together. And, additionally, she turned out to be friends with another dear friend of mine… having known her for 15 years.

“When you get to New York,” she said, “you’re going to need to know someone who’s well connected. I’m that someone.” She offered to help me obtain gainful employment, and to let me stay in her home until I could get my own place.

So, I set my sights on New York. I made preparations. I moved all of my possessions into storage. I gave my “nest egg”, my comic book collection, to a friend who had not been able to afford comic books (I retain visiting rights). I couched-surfed with friends until the very last minute.

My plan was to visit friends on the West Coast to say goodbye. Los Angeles first, followed by Sacramento, then onward to Nevada and New Mexico. From New Mexico, I would head for New York.

Well, on my second day in Los Angeles, two of my friends pulled an intervention. They sat me down and asked me a few serious questions, examining my needs, my motives and my resources.

“Why spend all of that time, effort and money getting to New York, when you could stay here in LA, and accomplish the same goals? Why not use the little money you have right now to start over in LA, rather than spend your last penny and attempt to start over in New York with an empty bank account?”

Things I had not considered. It would take the remainder of my meager savings just to get to New York. I was being offered a place to stay, and help finding work here in LA. It made sense to stay.

Yet, even with this new insight, I remained Jamezingly obstinate. For a full week, I resisted the notion of staying in Los Angeles. It seemed like giving up… taking the easy way out… admitting defeat.

I humbled myself. I prayed. I meditated. I consulted my oracles.

I decided to stay. Thus far, it seems to be a good decision.

As soon as I began looking, I found a job. A good job. Within the first week of the decision to stay, I ran into friends I’ve not seen in over 13 years. Old friends in other cities connected me with new friends here in LA. My co-workers opened their hearts and homes to me. At times, it seemed as if I had truly been transported into another reality.

And then, the reality of being Jaméz reasserted itself. My hostess was diagnosed with inoperable cancer. My best friend in LA confessed to drug-addiction. I was informed that my Uncle, the first strong male figure in my life, was dying. My grandmother went into the hospital. My hosts became visibly and, at times, audibly uncomfortable with my presence.

And then Hurricane Katrina hit.

My New Orleans family got out in time, though they have nothing to go back to. Still, they are better off than so many others. I thank God, remembering how truly Blessed I am.

I went off track. This wasn’t meant to be about a hurricane.

What was my point when I started this missive? Reflection, I guess. This is the first time I’ve been able to sit at a computer and do something unrelated to employment.

I’m house/dog sitting for my boss for the weekend, giving my hosts a break from me. I still have to find a place to live… to get out of the way of my hosts. It’ll happen. Sooner than later, I’m sure. Everything else will fall into place. I will, of course, keep you posted.

OH! I do have an announcement!!!

For those of you in the Los Angeles Area, Akbar will be hosting a fundraiser for Hurricane Katrina Survivors on Monday, September 26th. I don’t have a lot of details, but I did hear that the funds will be donated to The Red Cross and Bingo will be involved. More info as I get it.

Akbar
4356 W Sunset Blvd @ Fountain
Los Angeles, CA 90029-2112
(323) 665-6810

posted in Jamez Sitings 2.0 - 0 replies

Jamez Sitings #102 - The City of Los Angeles...

2005-07-27T23:25:26Z

Current mood: accomplished

Jamez Sitings #102 - "The City of Los Angeles Gains the Benefit of Many Things Jamez"

LALA LAND?
Who knew? Not me. I'm came down here for a couple of weeks, at the most, to say goodbye to dear friends before I left Cali for good. Those dear friends weren't having it. They tied me down and poured common sense, love and caring into my being. Convinced me that I should stay here. Showed me that they would help. It's nice to be loved. It's even nicer when that loving manifests as something more than a four-letter word.

In addition to my dear friends here, people in general have been amazing. Folks are much friendlier to me in LA than they were in SF. People actually smile and say "hello" they pass on the street. Drivers stop to let me in as I learn to maneuver in and out of traffic. It's so bloody refreshing. It reminds me of the way San Francisco used to be ... before all the wrong people moved their from those strange lands east of I-5.

ENGLAND?
I don't know. Not anytime soon, that's for sure. The original plan snafu'd with only the slightest bit of explanation. It was very painful and nerve-wrecking... but I'm a survivor. I'd explain more, but I don't know any more. Song lyrics come to mind: "God Bless The Child That's Got His Own." "Promises Promises. Why Do I Believe." "I'm Gonna Make It On My Own."

That disappoinment aside, there is another extenuating circumstance that put the UK trip on hold:

In 1997, my house burnt down, and my passport with it. I procrastinated on replacing it.
In 2001, BushCo blew-up the World Trade Center and shot down a few passenger planes.
In 2005 I applied for my replacement passport. I sent the required forms, my birth certificate and two photographs.
Last week I received a letter from the state department, saying that I needed to produce FIVE (5) pieces of identification, preferably with photo, before they will issue me a new passport.
FIVE pieces of ID. It's like trying to get into badlands in the year 2000. It's ridiculous. I'm a fucking Honorably Discharged Veteran of the United States Air Force! I gave four years of my life to defending this country. If anyone could prove my identity, it should be the bloody State Department!

GLAM HOT TIP
www.chelseadoll.com

TICK TICK TICK
I'm running out of time. I just wanna send a quick THANK YOU I LOVE YOU SO MUCH to Annette Smith, Heather Thomson, Jol Perez, Mark Klatte, Curtis Bennett, Sandra Touhy, & Inez Cordoza-Gordan-Ng

posted in Jamez Sitings 2.0 - 1 reply

Jaméz Sitings #101

2005-06-18T21:19:53Z

Sunday, June 5th, 2005
4:09 pm Jaméz Sitings #101 – “The City of San Francisco Loses …
Jaméz Sitings #101 – “The City of San Francisco Loses …

… THE BENEFIT OF MANY THINGS JAMÉZ”
Over the past few days, I’ve been hearing from several people that I will be missed.... and I never know how to react to that… primarily, because I don't really believe it. I mean, I know folks are sincere... sincere in their kindness when they say that I will be missed.... but I find myself wondering how this can really be true. How is it that people I hardly ever see, hardly ever spend time with, might actually miss me?

THE TOWER
As I type this, I sit in an Ivory Tower, bored out of my skull. And lonely. Thus far, spreading wing and taking flight has proven to be just as solitary an experience as walking my path. No surprise, really, but I do have hope. I receive encouragement, seeing increasingly friendly faces during the ascent.

Still, no surprises. This is not my first flight. I’ve climbed mountain tops before. It was wonderfully exhilarating to have finally made it to the top of one particular mountain, long ago. Doubly exciting it was, when I looked to the top of an adjacent mountain, and saw another Climber, smiling brightly, emanating a love to match my own. But, in the end, we were still just two lone climbers on separate mountains.

BURROWS, CAVES & EAGLES’ NESTS
An aerie has always held great appeal to me. I’m very grateful for having this experience. Another dream made manifest. I now have validation that wherever it may be I finally nest, high or low, it must also be sufficiently grounded to provide sanctum sanctorum.

I’m still adjusting to this level of flight… to the renewed strength of my wings. It is very nice to have landings such as these during my pre-flight preparations. Thank you Daniel, Russell, Jason, Nedward, Jules, & Matthew.

ANOTHER MINI DEATH
See, there are people whom I know will miss me once I’m gone. That is the way, after all. It’s just so hard to believe, because I’ve missed most of them while I’ve been here. It’s tragic childhood feelings, dragged through teen-angst and lodged in my 40 year old psyche: Me, four-walls, a ringless phone, invitations sent under the carpet, if sent at all. It’s Uncle Jr., boasting to my mother about how he took all of his male-nephews out on a day trip, and how much fun it was. It’s all my male-cousins showing off all the things Uncle Jr. bought for them. It’s me standing there next to my mom feeling left out, slowly finding the courage to aske Uncle Jr. why he didn’t come get me. It’s seeing him just look at me, smiling maliciously. That man earned his cancerous death.

THAT MALICIOUS SMILE
Never thought about this before, but the meanness with which my family expressed their… feelings for me is quite similar to the … ironic humour of certain drag queens of noted popularity. I learned to recognize negative energy at an early age. Had I “gotten over it” then, as so many are quick to tell me to do now; I’d likely be one evil motherfucker. As I’ve said since those very early days, my sensitivity is my strength. And, quite possibly, my one saving grace.

STILL GIGGING
In the event that those of you who feel you will miss me might want to catch a last glimpse, I thought I'd let you know about upcoming gigs:

Tuesday, June 7th - Suicide Tuesdays @ Aunt Charlie’s, 133 Turk St. -
11pm (30 min Guest set)

Friday, June 10th - SHIZAM! AIDS Walk Fundraiser @ The Transfer,
Church & Market - 11pm to 2AM Guest Set

Saturday, June 25th - Pink Saturday with the Sisters of Perpetual
Indulgence – Castro Theatre Parking Lot - 6pm to 1am - Special Guest DJ Donimo @ 9pm

Sunday, June 26th - Faerie Freedom Village @ SF Pride Festival - Civic
Center - Unsure of when I might go on, or for how long

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jamez L. Smith
Poet, DJ, Infinite Soul

"There is no weapon greater than a keen mind honed by fortune, exercising it's will by way of the imagination." - Cairn of The Weavers

Current Mood: good
Current Music: Barbarism Begins At Home - The Smiths

posted in Jamez Sitings 2.0 - 2 replies

Jaméz Sitings #100

2005-05-09T22:46:58Z

Jaméz Sitings #100 – A Veces, Cuando Es Importante.
http://www.livejournal.com/users/jamezsmith

HITCHING
I was worried that it would pale in comparison to the book, but Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy is brilliant! The film has a very 70’s rock/fable feel ala The Wall or The Hobbit. It is Wizard of Oz magical, with a bit of Willy Wonka thrown in (it even it’s own version of Oompa Loompas). Beeblebrox has a huge basket! And Mos Def is Foine!

WET IS BACK
Beginning Sunday May 15th, liquidFIRE Productions brings back it’s erotic cabaret & dance party, WET at the Blue Cube.

I’m the resident dj, soulfully opening the evening with old school and house, and I’ve brought in DJ Olga T (Butta) to take us through the night. Expect things to get deep.

“The Femme Show”
The performers for the cabaret portion of the evening include Simone de la Getto, Dalila Jasmin, Chavé Alexander, Celestina Pearl, Nyati & Meliza Banales. Expect things to get Wet.
.
Your MC: liquidFIRE’s very own Veronica C. Combs

Check our website for details: www.liquidfirehot.org

The Blue Cube, conveniently located less than 2 blocks from the Powell Street BART serves up hand-made fusion food, has an eclectic decor, a full bar and state-of-the-art sound.

The Blue Cube, 34 Mason St (@ Market), SF (2 blks from Powell St BART)

$15 – 20, sliding scale, $7 for Dance Party (after 8pm)

Reservations and Info (415) 861-8208 or liquidfirehot@hotmail.com

MUSINGS
I do not worship false idols.
All of my Idols are True.

I place no false gods
before My God.

My Grandmother taught me Animal Majik
Plant Majik
Kitchen Majik
and Switch Majik

I know how to work a wand

I tried to learn Hair Majik
but her hair was often covered
my own caused me pain
and others’ hair was forbidden territory

until the baby came

with her “good hair”
and Barbie dolls

Barbie taught me how to braid
and to sew
though my Grandmother taught me much of my Sewing Majik

MUSINGS ON A BART RIDE
Why are fidgety people so annoying? And people who can’t stand silence?
Most people on this train seem to respect that the ride through the Transbay Tube is a perfect time for silent meditation and prayer.
Fidget Woman has been clanking keys and rattling chains and crumpling papers since she got on the train.
She barely stopped when she realized that everyone was staring at her … which, of course, only made her more nervous.
Thank goodness she got off at West Oakland.

GONNA FLY NOW
Some of you may have noticed that this is Jaméz Sitings #100. There have been more than 100 postings of Sitings, but this is where we’re at in the official numbering. I’ve thought of several ways to mark the special occasion. Perhaps I’ll share one or two of them with you overtime.

O.K., I’ll share one or two now.

First of all, Sitings is about to become even less frequent. I’ve actually been cutting back on the frequency for quite a while now. I’m about to fully implement all of the changes I’ve mentioned over the past few months. Blogging will become a very low priority.

In honour of reaching #100, I plan on doing some publishing… maybe something like a “Best of Jaméz Sitings”. Get your votes in now.

There are other things I’m thinking about … but it’s too early to say what I’ve said. Check out www.livejournal.com/user/jamezsmith, if you find that you’re missing me. Maybe I’ll have posted a snippet or two relating where I am.

Without a doubt, I’m in transition… full-on travel mode. Alabatross has joined my totem (though I’m certain I will land quite a bit more gracefully, when the time comes). My wings feel strong, and the cosmic winds blow gracefully … warmly… pleasantly towards a new direction.

*SOAR*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jamez L. Smith
Poet, DJ, Infinite Soul

"There is no weapon greater than a keen mind honed by fortune, exercising it's will by way of the imagination." - Cairn of The Weavers

posted in Jamez Sitings 2.0 - 0 replies

Jaméz Sitings #99 – Thank You.

2005-04-21T17:28:48Z

Jaméz Sitings #99 – Thank You.
http://www.livejournal.com/users/jamezsmith

WHEN GODS DANCE THE EARTH
http://www.queerarts.com/gallery/KayaNati
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/mangonectar/
www.kayanati.com

Bare Bones
Benefit Performance in Celebration of Kaya Nati
Friday, April 22nd 8pm
418 Front St.
Santa Cruz, CA

Kaya Nati Memorial Service Potluck & Party
Sunday, April 24th 5pm
418 Front St.
Santa Cruz

In addition to courses for the potluck, it is requested that we bring any photographs we have of Kaya to be put on display.

.
LIQUIDFIRE IS WET HOT!
(take it away, Roni!)

HAPPY SPRING y’all!
Check out our website at www.liquidfirehot.org !!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Upcoming liquidFIRE Events!

liquidFIRE Productions & Jon Sims Center for the Arts present
A Work-In-Progress Performance of
The liquidFIRE Project’s
“Legacies Untied Lust Unleashed"
Directed By Veronica C. Combs

“Legacies Untied Lust Unleashed” is a sexy and provocative piece of theatre in
which lesbian and queer women of color tear open the doors of their ancestry to
examine, celebrate and challenge the butch/femme phenomenon.

Please come and be a witness to the first evolution of “Legacies Untied Lust
Unleashed” before it premieres at the National Queer Arts Festival in June 2005.
We gladly welcome your feedback, suggestions, comments, etc. at the “Post Show
Discussion” following the performance.

The cast: Caruthia Archie, Ashley Brockington, Krishnakali Chaudhuri, Helen
Johnson, Pamela Mack, Gita Mehrotra, Nicole Ming, Spring Opara and Nailah
Pettigen.

LOCATION: Jon Sims Center for the Arts, 1519 Mission Street, San Francisco, CA
94103

DATES/TIMES: Sunday, May 1, 2005 Two shows – 6pm & 8pm
*Post-show discussions will follow both performances.

GENERAL ADMISSION TIX: $10 - $15, sliding scale

RESERVATIONS: Call Jon Sims Center for the Arts @ 415-554-0402

liquidFIRE or SHOW INFO: 415-861-8208, email: liquidfirehot@hotmail.com

WET is Back!
That’s right! We are bringing back WET, our erotic cabaret on the 2nd Sunday of
every month featuring performances by queer people of color guaranteed to taunt,
tease and tickle your erogenous zones. Comedy, spoken word, poetry, music and
song, dance, burlesque and strip tease, drag king and drag queen performances
and more, hosted by guest MCs. Odd months will feature lesbians and queer women
of color; even months will feature queer people of color including transgender,
gay and bisexual male artists.

But wait... after you get turned on and juiced up by the performances, you can
release yourself at our steamy dance party with Resident DJ Jamez and Guest DJs
spinning soul and deep house that will make you reach the orgasm of your life!

Every month will feature a different themed show, a new line-up and Guest DJ!
Check our website for details: www.liquidfirehot.org

We are excited about our new venue, The Blue Cube, serving up hand-made fusion
food, eclectic decor, full bar and state-of-the-art sound, conveniently located
in downtown San Francisco less than 2 blocks from the Powell Street BART
station!
Coming up Sunday, May 15, 2005!

“The Femme Show”
Sexy, heart-stopping performances by Simone de la Getto, Chavé Alexander,
Celestina Pearl, Dalila Jasmin, Nyati and Meliza Banales

Your MC: liquidFIRE’s very own Veronica C. Combs

Resident DJ Jaméz (Ajax Ulu Collective) and Guest DJ Olga T (Butta) on the turntables!

The Blue Cube, 34 Mason St (@ Market), SF (2 blks from Powell St BART)

$15 – 20, sliding scale, $7 for Dance Party (after 8pm)

Reservations and Info (415) 861-8208 or liquidfirehot@hotmail.com

ACCEPTANCE
So much
to let go of
So much unwanted

loss

No longer resisting
Giving in
Giving over
Releasing

Trusting
with Fear
with Faith
Trusting

(It’s really high up here)

*FLAP*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jamez L. Smith
Poet, DJ, Infinite Soul

"There is no weapon greater than a keen mind honed by fortune, exercising it's will by way of the imagination." - Cairn of The Weavers

posted in Jamez Sitings 2.0 - 0 replies

Kaya Sitings – And We Shall Dance

2005-04-14T20:11:20Z

Kaya Sitings – And We Shall Dance
http://www.livejournal.com/users/jamezsmith

Teresa Martyny

…may he live on in all of you.

∞

James

…he is always special in my heart.

∞
Christopher Hodgson

…chant, breathe, remember…

∞

Niels Franciscus Teunis

Kaya Nati
Kaya is dying. The leukemia is too strong. I visited him yesterday in the house of friends who have provided him with a place to make the transition and be surrounded by friends who love him. These wonderful and generous people allowed me, as well as everybody else, to come and say goodbye to Kaya. I sat in the room with a few of his friends, quietly reaching out to Kaya spiritually. He was breathing heavily and all were amazed by the strength that remained in his lung muscles. He had been breathing like that for some time. Talking to him seemed not really the best way to connect, in fact, when I spoke a few words softly, it seemed to hurt him rather than soothe him. He is departing, and departure from this world is a struggle. It is a difficult and at times painful process.
My connection to Kaya at that moment feels like the kind of connection that doesn’t require for him (or me for that matter) to be present physically. A spiritual presence together that is not of this world, though it can be in this world.
Kaya and I haven’t always had a good connection. In fact, our connection was often deeply troubled which is in strong part the result of my own anxiety and restless tension. When he had come out of the hospital the first time and his cancer seemed under control, we connected very lovingly and I am very grateful for that. Yesterday I went back to seal that love, to make that the remaining connection between us. Kaya is a beautiful man. I sat next to him and we exchanged our love. From within all the stuff that we have had, we opened the oyster and savored the pearl. That is what we wanted, that is what we always wanted. I have that pearl in my heart for ever. I will always love Kaya.
And his friends? A more splendid group of people cannot be found. To be surrounded by so much love and care all the time, to be so safe and able to let the last days of your life be carried by friends, that reflects his life. I will never forget Kaya’s friends.
∞

Juba Kalamka

Bus To East Oh (For Kaya)
4.12.04

Said seven fifteen
But it was really eight oh two
A little late
Is better than not at all

Room filled with
Friends
Water
Morphine stick
Ism and affects
Beads
Copper twists
Orange pill jar
Smell of spice and lentil and bread
Daybed with his mama in wait

The blonde girl say
Don't worry bout your cold hands
(my momma say I should always warm my hands)
but the skin is so hot

I kneel next to the lifeboat
His reply to my whisper
Rattle/breathe/swallow
Rattle/breath/swallow
Same for a rub of that nappy head greyed by medicine
And the way made after kissed temple
Down a wire of an arm
To hands with big nails like daddy's daddy

Cheap cotton covers
The legs he flew on
By the time I reach them heels
And begin to rub our rust
I hear that patois
Calling from the back of the 43 eastmont
Dragging out the syllables in my name
As if it were some kind of overpriced confection
At a city/rockridge/castro/etc bakery
where they/them stare at us
And mutter something or others
The thought surrenders my cool for his heat
Easing the way for snot and sniffles

There is no jelly
`cept the oil on my cuticles
as I add bits of friction
to salve the squeezing
in the bottom of my belly
that churns the lostnessness there

creaky knees destroyed
in a year of division one pretense
reluctantly lift me from the floor
I don't want to let go
because know I must say
leeyyyy-tahh
in a minute or two
that last swallow/breath
having telegraphing a message
to share this space with those waiting
to trust that we were good enough
to know hat our air still holds his weight
and that his feet won't fail him

∞

If I Could (For My Dear Friend, My Love, My Light)
Copyright ©2005 Jair

I hate that my friend has cancer

I hate that he has to endure chemotherapy and the break down of his body

I want to think of him dancing and smiling
I want to see that wonderful grin and see his eyelashes flutter
like the wings of a butterfly

I want him to look sexy bald because he was going through one of his phases and wanted to change his “look” not because of circumstances beyond his control

I want to call so we can talk and flirt so we can discuss men and spirituality…so we can chat about Rumi and porn…I hate having to prepare myself to call him so I can try and make him feel better…I hate the fact that I have to think if I am okay so I can be supportive of him…it was never that way…when I call I want his voice to lift me I want his e-mails to bring a smile to my face…it hurts me to the core that things have changed to the point where I am afraid to call because I don’t want bad news…and I don’t know what to say…I don’t like being that person and I hate the fact that my fear has me so tangled up that I don’t call anymore

I hate that I wonder why he got it instead of someone else
I hate that I have a list of 3 people who deserve it more
I ask for forgiveness because I think that way
But most of all it bothers me that I can’t make it go away

He’s gone now…no more pain except what I feel because of the space of love he created inside of me that is uniquely his…he won’t like me feeling or thinking this way because of his grace…he tried to prepare us but it’s still hard for me to say goodbye…and I wonder how long I will question…. Why

He didn’t have to wait to dance with angels because he took every chance he could do that in this expression where he has left us his essence…each of us have a part of him with us and it our sacred duty to keep him alive…eternal life happens when those of us who remain continue to speak of those who have gone before

Tell your mother…your father…sister… brother and friends…your sons…daughters and that new dirt boy from Jamaica about Kaya …Love Is Eternal

∞

Rink

He was a very special person....

∞

Marvin Miller

…let's keep Kaya spirit in our hearts…

∞

Jaméz L. Smith

In a room full of strangers
he picked me out
pulled me out
called me out
from the safety of my insecurity
called me by name.

“We’ve neva met, but I know you.”

Camera in hand
he captured me.

And we danced, laughing.

From out of his head I came,
he said.
From out of his head we all.

Mother Man
who sees the beauty
in all of Her children

Sees the beauty in me
His reflection

The Sister I never knew I could love so much.

And we danced, smiling.

When the call went out
to rally
to fight
to share our light
to unite with other realms
to address worldly ills,
separately we answered.

Brother/Sisters coming together
Taking on dragons and lesser beings
who would insult us
deny us
expel us
hurt us and ours.

And we danced, crying.

“I don’t want to fight anymore. I want to give in.”
said he to me
“I’m tired. I’m ready to move on.”

So, we danced a final dance
a Lovers dance
a Warriors dance
a dance of Princes and of Queens
a dance of transmutation
of alchemy and evolution
a dance of Hallelujah and Praise Be
a dance of Thank You for Loving Me
a dance of Father, Forgive Them
for they know not what they do
a dance of I Will Always Love You

He dances
Dances on feet infused with star light
Lifting me
Filling me

He dances
Dances with a smile that shines like Heaven
Cleansing me
Healing me

He dances
Dances with so much love
too much love for this world alone
He dances with Love Universal

And we dance, remembering.

We dance
each step
each gesture
each rhythmic undulation
tribute
To His Grace.

And we dance, Kaya.

∞

Don Romesburg

I’ve been inspired by Kaya’s strength and beauty.

∞

June-Friday McNiel

I'm so glad I was able to tell him how much his spirit touched me.

∞

John Newsome

Kaya was a wonderful spirit and a huge contributor to our community.
Let's make our connection one of Kaya's many, many legacies.

∞

Bongane Nyathi

…in my native tongue, zulu:
"ulale ngexolo ndodana yase makaya nati, akuhlang lungehlnga ndodana
yesilo" which simply means: rest now son of the dust, rest in our ancestors
long awaited arms we shall meet again son of africa.

∞

And We Dance
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jamez L. Smith
Poet, DJ, Infinite Soul

"There is no weapon greater than a keen mind honed by fortune, exercising it's will by way of the imagination." - Cairn of The Weavers

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Jamez Sitings #96 & #97

2005-04-05T03:38:18Z

Jaméz Sitings #96 – People Are So Silly. That’s Why I Like Me.
http://www.livejournal.com/users/jamezsmith

BROTHER MARVIN, I HEAR YOU

PARTY STARTED RIGHT
Thanks to all you Aries for getting the fires of the new season going. I Love You!

I have a special gift for any of you willing to claim it.

LOOK WHAT I CAN DO!

Raw Material #2
featuring JC Wartella.
Wednesday, April 13th, 2005
7pm-9pm
$5 Cover – No One Turned Away For Lack Of Cash
Club Eros
2051 Market St.
San Francisco

FLEXING MY WINGS

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jaméz Sitings #97 – I Am Loved.

Many Thanks to Emperor John Richard, Empress Lady Tiger, the entirety of The Court Of Swinging Monkeys And Roaring Tigers, and to the Imperial Council of San Francisco for 40 years of Love. You have given my morale a much needed booster shot.

TOKEN MALE ARTIST, JAMÉZ L. SMITH, TO APPEAR
The Making of Bohemian Chicks Thursday April 7, 2005 Opening Reception
All female art exhibit curated by Dee Dee Russell give us a buzz:415.922.ARTS
Join Curator Dee Dee Russell and the cool chicks: Flo, Taraka, Andrea, Emily,Sarah, Barb and Scarlot for a multi media bohemian ride through the lives and times of a diverse collection of Bay Area female artists. From fine oil paintings to Sex Work film clips, this show has something to offer every client, collector and participant.

Bohemian Chicks Opening Reception and Silent Auction Thursday April 7, 2005 7pm-11pm Artemis Gallery 545 Sutter Street at Powell Street, San Francisco Atelier 301 Admission Free.

FLAP

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jamez L. Smith
Poet, DJ, Infinite Soul

"There is no weapon greater than a keen mind honed by fortune, exercising it's will by way of the imagination." - Cairn of The Weavers

posted in Jamez Sitings 2.0 - 0 replies

Jaméz Sitings #95 – LEVADO

2005-03-22T00:59:06Z

Current mood: hopeful
Current music: Gold - Spandau Ballet

Jaméz Sitings #95 – LEVADO
TALK ABOUT CARICATURE IN SPOOF
Despite the reminders on television and store-windows of Leprechauns and Shamrocks, or Trina Robbins’ (who is NOT Jill Thompson, but is a Lady of Honor, just the same, whom I thank for her gracious forgiveness), St. Patrick’s Day snuck up on me.
And sitting in a bar, I actually found myself getting angry at the caricature of the drunken Irishman as portrayed by actors in classic English film.
The fact that the film was being screened ironically did little to dispel my brewing anger.

It took Patrick’s familiar smile to do that (by the way, P, they didn’t get over it).

CRAZY
There was a time when,
riding my bike down the Embarcadero in the middle of the night,
I would barely see human soul.
Pelicans and sea gulls
Maybe a dog or a sea lion

Never flocks of couples
jogging together
or walking hand in hand

Never two women
sitting together
reminiscing
at midnight.

Occasionally, an old man
contemplating the waters before him
the times behind him.

There was not the high traffic hum of luxury sedans.
The Waterfront Restaurant & Café
did not tinkle with the sound of polite dinner music.

KPIX 5 did not glare at my side.
NBC News 11 did not conduct live broadcasts.

That was then.
This is now.

I hate to leave San Francisco.
I really do.
But it’s not the City it used to be.
Is not the Home it was to me.

Some really ugly people have moved into this town.
Bringing really ugly ways with them.

MOMENTS OF CLARITY
Moments
of lucidity.
Moments.

My Baby Momma said it “sounds like” I might be clinically depressed
(We haven’t known each other very long, but I Love my Baby Momma).

Well, of course, D.

I’m also nutty as a fruitcake, and nearly as old.
Mad as a Hatter.

I’m Mad because some very Unfriendly People have moved to San Francisco over the years. Very Unfriendly. And they seem to be in the majority.

Rather than smile,
they greet me with fear

Turning my own smile
Downside
Up.

Their fear breeds anger
Anger feeds fear

I try my damndest
to resist the cycle.

But you persist:
So comfortable in your fear and preconceptions.

You walk past me, looking straight ahead
and I hear your parent’s voice in your head:
“Now, Debbie, if you see a Black Man, don’t look him in the eye.
He might take that as an invitation to engage you in conversation.”

And you clutch your purse tighter, just in case.
Cuz you never know, right?

It’s sickening.
Maddening.

Sometimes, you turn your head
to completely remove me from your line of sight.
It’s disgusting.
It’s insulting.

Unlike my more enlightened peers,
I wish I could hold you up to a mirror
so you could see how truly ugly you are.

My Home Town
is No Longer Home.

That’s been the message all these years.

I heard it from the first…
and attempted, on multiple occasions,
to prepare for lift-off.
Only to be met repeatedly with obstacles to my flight path.

So, yes, I’m clinically depressed.
However, unlike back in the days when I was newly diagnosed,
I now have several tools to help me maintain a semblance of sanity.

TOOL #1
Comic Books.
I started reading comics when I was 12.
I went to my first comic book convention last month.
Wonder Con was held at The Moscone Center in February.
I met Margot Kidder – Lois Lane, to Christopher Reeve’s Superman – but was too broke to buy an autographed photo.
I met Neal Adams – one of the greatest comic book artists ever – and tears formed in my eyes at the sight of him.
I knew I was a geek, but I didn’t know how much of one until I was star-struck by Neal Adams and Margot Kidder.

Thanks for being there with me, Indigo!

TOOL #2
DJing.
I really don’t think people understand what DJing is for me.

In my bedroom, alone, it is best.
But sharing it with others, in public, is part of my Mission.
After 23 years, it has become a Passion.

“We’ve got a message in our music” – The Ojays
I love providing an opportunity for people to dance.
I love sharing the Love.
“Love To The World” - LTD

That Spirit Must Be Heard.
So, when the Universe blesses me with the opportunity to share Spirit,
I get very excited.

The Message begins to clarify.
Phrases form into statements.
Before long, there’s a story to tell,
and I’m not the Author.

I get a little crazier when that process begins
and I’m not allowed to see it through to it’s conclusion.

Gary & Jeff afforded me that opportunity on the first of this year.
I shot my load, after being left to play for hours.

Guess I’m spoiled. Anything less than what I want, is unsatisfying.
Anything unsatisfying is not worth my time (especially when you’re not paying me, kids!)

Folks have been fucking with me and my number two sanity tool, of late.

Everyone is just so damn competitive. Rather than be cooperative, dj’s see me as a threat. Someone to get over on. To bump off. And, being a nice guy, I get bumped a lot.

Yet, when I stand up for myself when others try to horn in on my action, and I finally say “no” … I’m labeled as selfish and greedy, and accused of all the things I’ve experienced over the years…. and worse… ostracized.

“Some years back, there was a particular theological conference to be held that I was not invited to participate in. It was a deliberate exclusion based on misinformation shared with the conference organizers by persons who wanted to prevent my participation. It hurt.” – Marc Gafni, Soul Prints

“Levado”: original Hebrew for “alone”.
“The central and inevitable experience of every man”- Thomas Wolfe.
“The inability to share the essence of who I am”: Loneliness, as defined by Marc Gafni.

Can’t share what no one wants to hear,
what no one wants to see,
what no one can acknowledge.
Can’t share a smile un-received.
The inability to share of myself is maddening.

It’s crazy making, but I do count my blessings.
I have many gifts. And many opportunities to share them and this over-powering drive of a Mission. Please, pardon me when I also share my frustrations at the obstacles to sharing the same.

DO I GIG AGAIN?
So, I’m not sure what to make of this Café Flore “gig”.
I got bumped two weeks in a row… so I don’t feel comfortable inviting folks to come out when I don’t know that I’ll be playing.

I can, for certain, invite ya’ll to come out to Raw Material #2 on April 13th @ Eros.

Raw Material #1 was a huge success thanks to the efforts Ken & Blay of Eros,
the musical styling of Blue Buddah, and the (Karen Finley-esque) erotic performance art of New Foundland’s own Mikiki.

Raw Material #2 will feature the sketch comedy of Johnnie Wartella, Faux Queen Wendy Plains (so I’m told), and another act I’ve yet to confirm.

I’m also looking for acts for future events, so shout out if you’re interested: jamezsmith@gmail.com.

Raw Material #2
featuring JC Wartella.
Wednesday, April 13th, 2005
7pm-9pm
$5 Cover – No One Turned Away For Lack Of Cash
Club Eros
2051 Market St.
San Francisco

Here, read another poem.

CACOPHONY BRAIN
They couldn’t hear themselves think.
“It’s too noisy in here.”

Fact of the matter:
There was nothing to hear.

He couldn’t hear himself think
“It’s too crowded in here.”

What, in his lonely mind,
did he fear?

I couldn’t hear myself think,
trying so hard to hear you

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jamez L. Smith
Poet, DJ, Infinite Soul

"There is no weapon greater than a keen mind honed by fortune, exercising it's will by way of the imagination." - Cairn of The Weavers

posted in Jamez Sitings 2.0 - 0 replies

Jamez Sitings #94

2005-03-11T00:28:16Z

Jaméz Sitings #94 – GET ME OUTTA HERE!

http://www.livejournal.com/users/jamezsmith

MUD DUST

“Never say never”

BEEN AWHILE

Thanks to those of you who noted my absence and managed to find the time to check in on me. Little acts of kindness like that help to keep me going.

I’ve been having a hard time of it lately. Per the norm, things have not gone according to plan. Adding insult to injury, are the many people on this planet who seem to take pleasure in ruffling my feathers. My coping mechanisms have been put to extreme tests.

The most immediate thing on my plate: I need to find a place to live. I know: That old chestnut. As I’ve stated before, I’ve had to move house at least once every year since 1997. It’s very aggravating, it’s very frustrating, and it’s very stressful. I’m really tired of it. I thought that this time would be the last before I left the country… and maybe, that will be the case. I was given a few months notice this time around, so there may be time to prep for that grand departure.

It’s kinda sad. There is so much potential energy building here for me in San Francisco. I just don’t know that I can hold out any longer. Every time things appear to be improving for the better, something major comes along to kick me off my track. The house burns down. I lose my job. I get hit by a truck. I’m tired. I’m ready to move on.

In the interim (however long that may be [Dear God, please don’t let it be too much longer!]), if you know of any living situations opening up for me and my record collection, please let me know. Same with job prospects… especially jobs in Canada, Europe or Nevada.

STORIES OF ME

Came home one night, plopped down on the sofa and turned on the telly just in time to catch the opening credits of and HBO special called “Happy To Be Nappy & Other Stories of Me.”

The show features a look at the world through the eyes of the children, opening with a reading from “Happy To Be Nappy” by bell hooks, as performed by Mary J. Blige. It was so beautifully done that I can finally get over what she did to “Sweet Thing”.

Following are three of the kids that impacted me most:

Henry is a little boy who loves to dance. He’s the only boy in his school’s dance class. He loves ballet. He loves tap. He gets picked on and teased, but he doesn’t care. He is a brave little man, wise enough to know that the other boys are too afraid to do what he does. He had many powerful quotes, but this one is probably my favourite:

“The greatest tap dancer, who ever lived, Gregory Hines, was a boy.”

Patrick was born blind. Patrick is a golfer. “I’m really interested in golf. It feels really good. Mr. Smith (his golf coach) and I get really excited.”

Patrick also loves to read. He’s glad that he can read Braille, because when he goes to bed and his mom turns the lights out, he can read for as long as he likes.

Erin is an 8 year old small person. Erin’s first quote: “Could You make teasing stop, cuz I’m really getting annoyed.”

“Sometimes, little kids stare cuz they don’t know what I am” she continues. “My wish would be that everyone was small. I’m really nice, and talented and small… yeah.”

The rest of the show is equally as powerful. I found it incredibly validating, considering all of my recently ruffled feathers. If these kids can hold on to their world views… if they are allowed to grow, nurture and share their innate wisdom … humanity just might make it.

But for every hour of hope and encouragement, I am presented with 23 hours of doubt and despair.

FEATHER RUFFLERS

Stopped by the Oxygen Bar to pick-up some tools I’d left behind. There was a hip-hop themed party going on. Except for one of the dj’s and myself, it was a room full of white people. Some, in “hip-hop gear”… complete with $ chain necklace and fake gold tooth.

I think folks know that I’m not exactly a fan of hip-hop music. But neither am I a fan of caricatures in spoof, nor minstrel shows. I had to get outta there before someone showed up in black-face. As Ursula Rucker says, “Hip-hop is not a category. Hip-hop is a culture.” Any spoof of that culture, especially by someone so not from that culture, in my eyes is disrespectful. I felt like demonstrating what part of the Bayview I grew up in.

Don’t push me, cuz I’m close to the edge.

Bitter. Aggro. Fru-Fru-Fru-FRUSTRATED.

The appropriation of my culture, my cultural influences, my dreams and memories… has me pissed off to no end.

The back asswardness

has me frustrated.

What comes from the Soul

is profited off of

and the profit unshared with those of us who most give of the Spirit.

And, somehow,

I’m supposed to keep giving

what every one else

takes for granted.

“Hey, Jaméz! This is my friend ‘Jeremy’. He’s a dj. He’s trying to get gigs.”

Don’t worry. He’s a cute white-boy. He’ll get gigs.

I just got one of the best gigs I’ve had in decades. DECADES!

Yet, “DJ Trevor” is tooling around The City

in a Jaguar,

while I beg friends

for money to pay my rent.

White boys in gold chains, Kango and fake gold teeth. “Yo! Yo! Yo!”

I must leave before someone else shows up in black-face.

I went to The Transfer afterwards, and witnessed Lisa (the bartender) throw another Black Man out in an obvious display of racism.

Much as she threw Eric, RJ and I out a few years ago.

I vowed to never again go to The Transfer. But one of my White friends advised me to leave that pain in the past. Knowing I want dj gigs, he suggested that I let bygones be, and nurture a positive relationship with this potentially beneficial establishment.

I witnessed Lisa mistreat, disrespect and insult another human being. Much as she mistreated, disrespected and insulted Eric, RJ, and I.

There can be no positive relations with The Transfer, as long as Lisa is in their employ.

JUST A FRACTION OF THE ENERGY I’M PROCESSING

Fall back regroup. I do my best to smooth out the pinions, so that I might again take flight. I’ve been met with adversity since my return to San Francisco. It seems obvious that I’m not meant to be here… yet leaving seems like giving up. Quitting is a distasteful option. But I certainly cannot continue in this insanity. Whilst here, however, I can do nothing less than my best.

SO, I GIG AGAIN

Saturday March 12th, 2005

Lily Street Block Party

200 Block of Lily St. between Laguna & Octavia

8 pm to 1 am

And if you’re inclined to go out for brunch, you can catch me at Café Flore Every Sunday Afternoon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jamez L. Smith

Poet, DJ, Infinite Soul

"There is no weapon greater than a keen mind honed by fortune, exercising it's will by way of the imagination." - Cairn of The Weavers

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Jaméz Sitings #93 – Is There A Future For Me In Japan?

2005-02-22T21:44:44Z

Jaméz Sitings #93 – Is There A Future For Me In Japan?http://www.livejournal.com/users/jamezsmith

MUD DUST

I am never doing dry-wall work again (unless I own the walls).

PLAGUEAPHOBE

So … I sat down at the computer, fully expecting to indulge my newest addiction: Sim City 4 … and said as much aloud. The sound of the word “addiction” bounced around the room … and in response; I opened the Jaméz Sitings file, and began writing.

So much to reflect upon. Every day seems to bring an intensity the likes of which I’ve lost friends over.

Last week, not for the first time and, perhaps, not for the last, I was tested for genital herpes and h.i.v. The results are irrelevant to this chronicle.

OK. That’s not true. I wish it were… but despite my best efforts… annoying shit like that still matters to me. Test results were negative on both counts … but what is more significant to me, is the amount of worry I put into my life because of said tests. I nearly opted to not come in for the results.

See, for folks who don’t know me … which is most of you, I am a hypochondriac. From child-hood, I’ve been able to convince my self that I have any form of disease. The first, was luchemia, thanks to frequent nose bleeds and television commercials. When my pubic hair began to grow, one follicle turned inward and produced a white bubble on my beautiful brown skin (see: pseudo-folliculitis barbae). I thought I had some form of vd, though no one had touched my privates since my mother stopped bathing me.

So, of course, when h.i.v. and a.i.d.s came along, I became a plagueaphobe. Spell check, suggests ignoring all, and I think that’s good advice.

If I were a comic strip character, I would be a mix of Charlie Brown & Calvin (Anyone who understands that reference, can email me with their understanding, and, if I agree, I will give them a prize).

Plagueaphobe.

I learned about a.i.d.s from Uncle Jr. He was the type of man who would, knowing full well I was an arachnaephobe (I like my spelling better), torture me with spiders.

One, night, Uncle Jr. dashed out of the bathroom, in all his boxered glory, waving the evening Chronicle. “They found a way to kill the faggots!” he announced proudly. He read aloud to everyone that was in the room. It felt like he was reading specifically to me.

I had my first a.i.d.s. test when I went into the military. When I left the military in 1987, I went into a clinic and was tested again. I was terrified. Over the years, I’ve been tested repeatedly … each time, the results are the same: I freak out. “Fraids” they called it, back in the day. Ha and Ha.

My primary physician refused to test me at one point. He said I was wasting my money and his time getting tested so often over every little sniffle or tingling sensation. I was negative, and after all these years, unless I drastically changed my behavioural patterns, chances were pretty good that I would stay negative.

I took him to heart. Best Doctor I’ve ever had (I should look him up!).

Overtime, I began to learn more about a.i.d.s and the a.i.d.s. industry. I saw monsters where monsters should not exist. But, there they were, as real as any corporate monster can be. Learning about the monster, I began to lose my fear of the monster.

But I would still get tested now and again. And use my majiks, praying to my Lord, Jesus that my blood remain cleansed.

This time around, I got tested because I agreed to take a survey sponsored by the San Francisco Department of Public Health. Anyone interested, should contact travis.hottes@sfdph.org. If you’re eligible for the study, you get paid about $200.

I agreed to participate because I was told that a high percentage of gay men have genital herpes and do not realize it, because the outbreaks are microscopic (wrap your brain around that).

Anyway… today, I went in for my test results. I set my alarm to make sure I would not miss the appointment. I set it 3 hours early. And tossed and turned for two and a half hours. I decided several times not to go in, figuring that I did not need to know the results, because I don’t believe in fueling the mythical existence of this monster. Then I thought about the people I might someday meet, and share my sex with, who do believe in the beast and its apparent power over life and death.

On the way to 25 Van Ness, I worked my self into full-on pity party. “My life sucks. Why does nothing go the way I want it to? Why can’t I win at something? Why can’t I do the things I enjoy? Why can’t I be happy? Waa Waa Waa WAAA I don’t want h.i.v.!”

Then I’d pray, fervently, humbly, and Grace would come over me. I’d remember all the previous prayers… all the previous answers… the love, the protection… the many blessings I’ve had. My mood would swing to sublime satisfaction … content in the fact that, all said and done, I’ve had a pretty good life.

This cycle repeated itself until Travis gave me the results. I turned my head to the sky, closed my eyes and said softly, “Thank You, Jesus.”

Then, returning to Travis, I said “It’s the only result that makes sense, but I’m such a total hypochondriac.”

We can do this, Kaya.

A FEW MORE OF MY FAVOURITE WOMEN

Chaka Khan

Sherry Williams

Carry Dipman-Wonzer

YaVette Holts-O’Shea

Paige Tuehy

MeShell N’DegeOcello

Alex Rigaud

Moss & Bliss

Astier Jones

Carolyn Bradford-Wilkerson

Wanda Barnes

Diana, Princess of Wales (I had a dream about her last night that was really intense)

Rev. Yvette Flounders

Cindy Ferguson

Nell Golden

Eartha Kitt

Lena Horne

Dinah Washington

(the list goes on)

SUICIDE TUEDAY

www.suicidetuesdays.com

Oakie, Daniel & Richard throw a great party! Thanks to all of my friends who came out to support me during my guest spot at Aunt Charlie’s this past Tuesday. It was really nice to be able to play some of my more obscure dance music favourites… and to see the dance floor respond so positively.

One of the greatest moments of the evening was when a Japanese local thanked me for my musical selection and then handed me a Phat tip! Cold hard cash money. Blew me away. He then told me that I reminded him of some of the better venues in Tokyo, saying that I would do really well in Japan. Definitely something for me to consider.

Special thanks to Gary, Ilana, Ken, Mark, Dee Dee, Liam & Kitty! Oh, and thanks to Barry for noticing that my heart was upside down.

See you sexy people tonite!

HAIR STORY: UNTANGLING THE ROOTS OF BLACK HAIR IN AMERICA

by Ayana D. Byrd & Lori L. Tharps

I finished reading the book a while ago, and it is still resonating with me. I plan on expounding more at some point, but until then, here are three interesting passages:

To gain access to the american dream [after emancipation], one of the first things Blacks had to do was make White people more comfortable with their very presence –

“In the next couple of years, the Black-owned businesses will disappear. They’ll all be sold to White companies.”- Revlon executive Irving Bottner commenting on the cosmetic’s giant imminent takeover of the ethnic (read Black) hair industry

Blacks risked professional suicide over the styles they brought to the workplace.

GIG AGAIN

My photography has gone over quite well at sublounge … leading to bigger things (which I’ll tell you about as they manifest more soundly). However, for my next sublounge appearance, I’ve been invited to bring along the vinyl. If you’re free, come check us out.

2/16/05 Wednesday at Sublounge, THE UNDERGROUND TRAVELING ART SHOW
includes works by world wide known artists such as Mark Mothersbaugh (DEVO), Guy Colwell, Erin Crawford, Krk Ryden, Maxon Crumb, Brian Mcdonald, Shawn O.
-This is an iLor production, free admission 6pm-1am,
(code word "T.U.T.A.S." for free drink coupon before 8pm)
with Chris Fabbri and guests spinning songs from the 70s/80s

(925)330-6509

http://groups.msn.com/chrisfabbriartistpoethomepage/fabbri.msnw

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jamez L. Smith

Poet, DJ, Infinite Soul

"There is no weapon greater than a keen mind honed by fortune, exercising it's will by way of the imagination." - Cairn of The Weavers

posted in Jamez Sitings 2.0 - 1 reply

Jaméz Sitings #92 – IT’S A CRAZY WORLD OUT THERE, BUT I’M CRAZIER

2005-01-25T10:45:59Z

http://www.livejournal.com/users/jamezsmith

THANKS
to Gerardo, for providing proper motivation
(…like the deserts miss the rain.)

LOST: SILVER

I’m way bummed right now. Curtis gave me a beautiful necklace for my birthday… I took it off in the locker room… and left it there. It’s long gone now. I’m so upset with myself. Every piece of jewelry Curtis has ever given me, I’ve managed to lose. What does it mean, besides the fact that I can accept no more jewelry from Curtis?

ROYALTY

Nice guy never quite wins

Not in money
Not in love
Not in companionship

It is a purple pain
Sitting at the forefront
of my mind.

attracting hungry monsters
starving beasts
vampires

ancient
decrepit
desperate

It is a purple pain
swirling
draining
pulling
me in dark directions

It disgusts me

I need not dig up dirt

I am buried in it.

THE QUICKENING

Down in the dumps
Walking the streets aimlessly
Feeling completely alone
Obstructed at every turn
Frustrated with every attempt to gain satisfaction

Detoured
Discouraged
Despondent

Walked into the nearest bar
Exhausted, more than thirsty for drink

Hounded
by desperate, lonely old men,
I sit in a dark corner
for safety
alone

lamenting my position

And a friend walks in
with proven enemy

And I lift myself
above my fear
Lift myself from this pit of depression
from my dark corner
Approach my friend
Call his Name

And He Embraces Me
And Invigorates Me
And Validates Me
And Thanks Me
for Acknowledging Him
Validating Him(!)

and he invites me to share in his Vision
a Vision matching my own

and speaks to me of The Quickening
making it history.

And I am no longer in the dumps.

It IS a New Day.

BLACK HAIR

So, I’m reading Hair Story: Untangling The Roots of Black Hair In America
and I find myself wondering:
Did Leo Sayer have an Afro,
or did he just let his hair grow ---
and what, really, is the difference?

SOME OF MY FAVOURITE WOMEN

Annette Young-Smith
Dorothy Young
Ora Reese
Betty McMillan
Nancy Mae Williams
Laurae Young
Alene Marie Brooks
Sammie Mae Moore
Lizzie Ree Young
Aner Ruth Young-Payne
Pollie Alice Parhams
Annie-Jo Young
Bonita Parhams-Jones
Jaqueta Parhams
Inez Gordon
Sunday Wallace
Charmaine Easton
Barbara Watkins
Bridgitte LaBouvie
Veronica Combs
Deniece Williams
Dorothy Allison
Jewelle Gomez
Gladys Knight
Patti Labelle
Minnie Riperton
Angela Bofill
Maya Angelou
Whoopi Goldberg
Oprah Winfrey
Heather Thompson
Machiko Saito
Sandra Touhey
Sabrina
Anita Lofton
Patrice Johnson
Adella Harris
Sister Joan
June-Friday McNiel
Nora O’Connor
Lebasi
DeeDee Russell
Jules Morrison
Keisha Holmes
Zwazzi Sowo
Rhodessa Jones
The Women of Thanksgiving 2004
(for starters)

REALIZATION #1 2005

Some people really love Black Box
(I will ALWAYS love Martha Wash)

FAVOURITE IMAGINED PRIDE PARADE CONTINGENT
“Transgender People for the Metric System”

FOUND: GIGS

Aural February 1, 2005
Suicide Tuesdays @ Aunt Charlie’s
alterna-queer dj experience

Visual January 29, 2005
Uplift @ Sublounge
35mm jamez-eye view

WANNASEEMEPARTY
(happy birthday, Santos)

Mighty
January 29th, 2005

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jamez L. Smith
Poet, DJ, Infinite Soul

"There is no weapon greater than a keen mind honed by fortune, exercising it's will by way of the imagination." - Cairn of The Weavers

posted in Jamez Sitings 2.0 - 0 replies

Jaméz Sitings #91 – I’ve Been Honest With You Thus Far, I See No Reason To Be Less Honest With You Now

2005-01-19T21:49:46Z

http://www.livejournal.com/users/jamezsmith

PENDULUM HEARING: TUESDAY, JANUARY 18TH 2005, 5:00 pm

I sent the announcement referenced in the above to an email list of people in San Francisco I most admire and respect amongst everyone in my various list-serves, who I felt might care to know about this significant event in my life.

THE MOST IMMEDIATE FEEDBACK

Sam <sam@soundworks-sf.com>
Sent : Sunday, January 16, 2005 2:06 PM
To : jamez smith <jamezsmith@hotmail.com>
CC : Les Natali <lnatali@pacbell.net>, Ron <sharp75@sbcglobal.net>
Subject : Re: Pendulum Hearing: TUESDAY, 5:00 pm

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on 1/16/05 12:27 PM, jamez smith at jamezsmith@hotmail.com wrote:
Jamez,

It's odd that I haven't heard from you since you came by the store just before you began this little project. You were very underhanded when you visited hoping to get some imaginary dirt from me. I did find your "guest opinion" in the BAR very enlightening and it seemed to expose the basic feelings behind you and your misguided friends. Read your editorial again if you do not understand what I mean. I wouldn't mind this sort of community actions if you were all "pro-active" instead of totally destructive. From where I sit you and your "friends" could not care less about making the Castro a better place. I just see a rabble of children wanting some sort of revenge on Les for a situation that seems illusive at best. I can just imagine how you and your gang will behave at this meeting.

Sincerely,

Sam LaBelle

MY REPLY

Wow, Sam. I'm sorry you feel that way. I stop by your shop, when I have the money, because of our common interest in music. I don't buy music very often, and I'm quite delighted when I can actually afford to stop in and shop a little.
There has never been anything underhanded about any of my interactions with you. The idea that I was "hoping to get some imaginary dirt" from you is, frankly, insulting. I never expected such a paranoid statement to come from you.
As far as me and my misguided little friends, call it 'revenge' or whatever makes you feel good. No one's doubts, suspicions or dismissal of my opinion will change the reality of my experience. I know what I experienced at badlands... and I know how I was treated by les netali in person. It truly hurt me when joefire publicly called me a liar, but this, coming from you, a man I hold in high esteem ... well, it just reminds me of how truly alone I am in this world.
Sincerely,
Jamez L. Smith
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jamez L. Smith
Poet, DJ, Infinite Soul

"There is no weapon greater than a keen mind honed by fortune, exercising it's will by way of the imagination." - Cairn of The Weavers

SECONDARY FEEDBACK
From : Sam <sam@soundworks-sf.com>
Sent : Monday, January 17, 2005 1:18 PM
To : jamez smith <jamezsmith@hotmail.com>
Subject : Re: Pendulum Hearing: TUESDAY, 5:00 pm

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on 1/16/05 4:36 PM, jamez smith at jamezsmith@hotmail.com wrote:

Dear Jamez,

I wasn't speaking of the last time you came into the shop when I didn't have a chance to speak to you, I rushed out to speak to you then but you had left. When I mentioned the last time, I heard from you was shortly before you and your friends started your vendetta against Les Natali. Was it mere coincidence that you came by the store to "visit" just a week or two before "isbadlandsbad" was unveiled when you hadn't been by for a couple of years? Was it a coincidence that the other black man involved (who I had never seen before) came into my store and both of you managed to get on the subject of Les? Both of you wanted to speak to me about racism in The Castro and The Pendulum. We have known each other long enough that you could have told me about "isbadlandsbad" and what your intentions were. I am the one that has the right to feel betrayed not you. I understand that you wanted to hold your cards close to your vest until you found out where I stood. You knew that I wasn't a racist, but when I let you know that I didn¹t believe Les was a racist you chose to leave me out of your loop. I have always admired people who fight for "positive" change in this world and support them when I can. I believe you as a person may have good intentions, but you and your friends approach is not positive it's rather very negative. If you really want change, you would push for change not revenge.
If you had been honest with me when we last spoke and told me of your involvement, maybe you wouldn't feel so "alone in this world." As I said you could have trusted me, I would have probably disagreed, but I would have respected what you wanted to do. I also believed you when you told me you had a bad experience at The Badlands. Why is it that only The Badlands/Detour/Pendulum are your targets? How much have you probed the whole LGBT community for racism? Or do you go only from one witch to the next?

Have a good MLK Day and please take time to reflect on what you say and your actions,

Sam LaBelle

SECONDARY REPLY
You, too.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jamez L. Smith
Poet, DJ, Infinite Soul

"There is no weapon greater than a keen mind honed by fortune, exercising it's will by way of the imagination." - Cairn of The Weavers

SEVERAL DAYS OF REFLECTION

I was severely bummed by the above exchanges. Spiraled into a depression the likes of which I have not known since working for Walden House, Inc. I walked the streets for hours on end. Slept for far less time. The tears have yet to come (wasted too many on Jake).

Thank you Brian, John & Julius for being there.

Thank you to my 400 hundred or so misguided little friends at And Castro For All.

Thank you to Sam Labelle for showing your rainbow colours.

ANNOUCEMENTS

I’m djing somewhere soon

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jamez L. Smith
Poet, DJ, Infinite Soul

"There is no weapon greater than a keen mind honed by fortune, exercising it's will by way of the imagination." - Cairn of The Weavers

posted in Jamez Sitings 2.0 - 3 replies

Very good work

2005-01-11T20:00:35Z

Jamez, you know me a hopeless fan of you...keep up the good works....

posted in Jamez Sitings 2.0 - 1 reply

Jaméz Sitings #90

2005-01-10T08:04:05Z

http://www.livejournal.com/users/jamezsmith

STUFF HAPPENING

Uplift at sublounge off the uber gentrified portion of 3rd Street.

White people on Third Street. It’s truly amazing that I have lived long enough to see the day. My elders warned that this was coming. Urged me to do my part to fight it. Used the presence of “the chinamen” as evidence of the impending threat. Horrifying from so many different perspectives.

Is this how my ancestors felt at the sight of that first unusual spec on the horizon? I imagine they greeted the strangers with the love they shared for all of the beings under creation … never once suspecting they would have their heads shaved, their lives stolen.
Never thought they’d be viewed as pests and savages … property at best.

Today resonates with so much of the past
proving time irrelevant.
Validating ancient wounds.

I SHARE A DREAM

I had a powerful dream. I have no real-time reference for what occurred in it. It is difficult for me to fully recall. There were ... groups of people on Earth. Banded together. Nomadic. I was part of one such group. We were training ... preparing for something huge. We were Warriors ... in the noblest sense ... but it wasn't war we were preparing for. We were studying the planets ... the stars. There was some sort of disturbance... cosmic upheaval ... at the fringe of our ability to perceive ... and some of us were called upon ... based upon our planetary alignments ... Giant beings ... no ... Cosmic ... Supreme Beings ... reminiscent of Aztec or Mayan Deities made themselves known to us ... pulled us... called us two levels above where we are ... so that we could receive instruction ... We each had different tasks to accomplish ... based, again, on planetary alignment ... Uranus & Jupiter were significant to my instructions ... separate Beings appeared for each tribal grouping... but all had shared the goal of overcoming this disturbance ... helping us to overcome this disturbance. We, each of us, flew back to our respective tribes, prepared to avert ... defend ... against the coming cataclysm.

It really bugs me that I cannot recall anything more specific. It's been about 5 hours since I woke from this dream... and the feelings of it still stick with me. The most striking image is of the Beings in the clouds above the clouds. Two levels up. Like two dimensions higher than our vibrational plane. And the planetary alignments. We could perceive the alignments with each tribe. We could see them. Different light frequencies, corresponding to each tribe, each celestial grouping... corresponding to different locations upon the earth. And we all had our specific tasks to perform.

I can imagine what folks might be thinking: Tsunami. Thing is, I had the dream on December 30th, and while the Tsunami had occurred by then, I’d been walking around safely Jamezmerized in my own little world… not watching the news, not reading the papers … avoiding anything that might disrupt my avoidance of the holiday season.

Any other interpretations?

S.N.A.F.U. (It’s a military term)

Some of you may be receiving this for the first time.
Some may be receiving it more than once.
Some of you may not be receiving it at all.

I had a small snafu with my address book … and I am overwhelmed by the prospect of dealing with it. So, I’m dealing with it. Adjusting.

If any of this concerns you in any way, and you’d like me to make adjustments regarding your reception, or lack there of, shoot me an email: jamezsmith@hotmail.com

SOMETHING ELSE RETURNED TO SF

Yay, Hot!
Sacred Spaces Reclaimed

I Am Proud
& Honoured
for the Graces
afforded me.

Lady Phatima said, “Trust!”

I am so tired.
What some perceive
as Royal Disposition,
is merely exhaustion
and lot’s of faith.

Like a Rock
in a River Bed

SO, RIGHT, STUFF HAPPENING
Uplift @ sublounge
Boston’s own Chris Fabbri has invited me and other artists to share our work at Uplift, on January 13th – this coming Thursday – my favourite day of the week, btw.
Chris is one of the hardest working people in show business, curating, producing, promoting, painting, djing, and still finding time to do things like hold down a job so he can pay the bills (Big props to Sheri-belle for devotion above and beyond the call of duty. Good People, these two).
I’m breaking out a slide-projector for this one, and bringing a bag full of trays. If you’d like to see come see how my photography stands up as compared to my poetry or djing, this should be an excellent opportunity to do so.
Chris has provided all the important details at the following: http://groups.msn.com/chrisfabbriartistpoethomepage/fabbri.msnw
but, if that’s to much work for you :
“uplift goes down Jan. 13th Thursday (free, 21+please)
open `til about 1am
at the ever so chill Sublounge
628 20th off 3rd San Francisco CA
http://www.sublounge.com”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Jamez L. Smith
Poet, DJ, Infinite Soul

"There is no weapon greater than a keen mind honed by fortune, exercising it's will by way of the imagination." - Cairn of The Weavers

posted in Jamez Sitings 2.0 - 0 replies